Editor’s note: This story includes images some people may find distressing.
Miranda Michel’s body was gripped by panic as her eyes popped open on the operating table in Dallas. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had arrived too late.
The doctors had warned her that her twins might have a lifespan of merely two or three minutes. Uncertain of their current status, she remained oblivious to whether they had already entered the world, the duration that had elapsed, or if they had tragically departed.
Miranda attempted to resist the sedation during the two-hour surgery as doctors cut through scar tissue from three previous C-sections. She woke up in a state of alarm, only to be reassured by her partner and mother-in-law that the babies were still secure inside her, causing her to drift back into sleep.
Miranda received the same prognosis today as she did when she first heard it, four months ago: neither twin had any chance of survival. However, due to Texas’ recently implemented abortion laws, which do not provide any exceptions for fatal fetal anomalies, Miranda was compelled to continue with the pregnancy until its unfortunate conclusion.
As the end approached, Miranda’s consciousness flickered in and out. Thoughts of the countless scenarios she had mentally prepared for raced through her mind. Perhaps her babies would be born lifeless, their deformities so severe that the doctors would shield them from her sight. Maybe they would only survive for a few fleeting hours. Or perhaps, by some miracle, they would be strong enough to be admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit. All she could hope for was the chance to at least say hello and goodbye, an overwhelming mix of happiness and sorrow that she doubted she would ever be able to fully overcome.
Perhaps, just perhaps, everything would fall into place. Throughout the eight months preceding her August delivery, she had struggled to suppress any glimmer of hope, deliberately fixating on the undeniable truth of the diagnosis. However, in this moment, with oxytocin coursing through her veins, she found herself unable to resist. Miracles unfold on a daily basis. Doctors are fallible after all.
If there wasn’t any chance, why would the state of Texas require her to carry this pregnancy to term?
Miranda anxiously scanned the flurry of nurses in their blue scrubs, her ears attuned for a single word: “uterus.” Its mention would signal the doctors’ readiness to transition her twins from the secure confines of her womb to a world they were not yet equipped to endure.
Despite her efforts to remain awake, she couldn’t hold on any longer to discover if she would reunite with her children. However, her attempts were in vain as darkness engulfed her, causing her vision to fade into blackness.
Miranda and her partner, Levi Langley, decided it was finally time to return home in December 2022. They gathered their entire family, packed up all their belongings, and even brought their pet chameleon along for the journey as they embarked on their trip to Texas.
In the northeastern corner of the state, near Texarkana, fate brought together the couple during a Dungeons & Dragons game. Miranda, currently 26 years old, stood out with her vibrant pink hair and tattoos, having led a nomadic life in search of a brighter future for her two children. Levi, younger and full of playful antics, shared a deep passion for video games and effortlessly embraced the responsibilities of a father figure.
Levi, aged 25, had been working as a coal miner in Utah while his family resided there for a few months. However, upon the arrival of their first child, they made the decision to relocate to a rural area where Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas intersect, in order to be near Levi’s relatives. They found a rental apartment in New Boston, nestled in the heart of the East Texas Pineywoods, and Levi secured employment at the neighboring Tyson chicken facility.
His parents were in for a surprise. Towards the end of December, Levi contacted them and instructed them to look in the mailbox for an early Christmas gift. As they stepped outside, they were greeted with the sight of Levi and Miranda’s dusty minivan slowly approaching up the driveway.
Levi’s mother, Angela Langley, was filled with joy as she hurriedly made her way to the store, eager to purchase additional gifts for Christmas morning.
Miranda’s childhood was challenging, and she didn’t have a close relationship with most of her family. As a result, she found solace in the thought of raising her children amidst Levi’s close-knit clan. They warmly welcomed her and her children, showering the young mother with unconditional love and offering her invaluable assistance with childcare.
Discovering her pregnancy in February, Miranda felt an overwhelming sense of joy to be back in Texas. Although she and Levi had always intended to expand their family, they had not anticipated it happening quite so soon.
However, Miranda would soon discover that bringing new life into the world in rural Texas is quite challenging.
From the start, an unsettling and unfamiliar anxiety consumed her due to the pregnancy, yet obtaining an appointment with an obstetrician proved to be a challenging feat. When the nurse practitioner hinted at the possibility of twins, she grew impatient and decided against waiting for a follow-up appointment. Urgently, she rushed to the emergency room in Texarkana, which was thirty minutes away, only to discover that she was indeed carrying two babies. Adding to the complexity, these infants had the potential to be conjoined or “mono mono,” as they were developing within the same amniotic sac.
She stated that we were unable to obtain a straightforward response, and instead, we were engaged in a game of evasion.
In order to ensure, she would need to visit a specialist located three hours away in Allen. However, by the time she managed to secure an appointment, Levi had taken time off from work, they organized travel arrangements with Angela, and finalized child care plans, it was already May, and Miranda was four months pregnant.
Levi and his mom, Angela, were fixated on the little digital screen during the ultrasound, while Miranda focused her attention on the tech’s face. Only she witnessed the exact moment it slipped.
“Something was wrong,” Miranda said with a heavy heart as she watched her run out of the room.
Unlike before, Miranda didn’t have to wait for weeks to get a follow-up appointment. Within hours, she found herself sitting face-to-face with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist in Dallas. He wasted no time in grabbing a whiteboard and vividly explaining the multitude of ways this pregnancy was on a dangerous path.
The spines of the babies were contorted, bending so severely that, from certain perspectives, they seemed to vanish completely. Some of their organs were protruding from their bodies, while others were still in the early stages of development. One of the babies had a foot with a deformed shape, while the other had a noticeable bulge of fluid at the base of their neck.
The diagnosis was straightforward in numerous aspects: these infants would inevitably pass away shortly after their birth.
Levi’s tears came pouring out uncontrollably, describing them as “big, ugly crying.” Miranda felt a rush of paralysis as her mind desperately searched for something to grasp onto. The babies she had longed for, envisioned, and meticulously planned for were now being mercilessly torn away from her. Questions swirled in her mind, desperately seeking answers. How did this unforeseen turn of events occur? Was there any possible solution to rectify the situation? What steps could they take to protect and save her beloved babies?
Desperately seeking answers, her gaze fell upon the doctor, only to discover he had departed from the room. After a brief interval, the nurse returned and extended a Post-It note to them.
The name of an abortion clinic in New Mexico was inscribed on it.
After the overturn of Roe v. Wade in June 2022, Texas became the largest state in the nation to ban abortion, to “protect the life of every child with a heartbeat,” as Gov. Greg Abbott put it. Doctors who perform an abortion can face up to life in prison, unless it’s to save the life of the pregnant patient.
However, in cases where the fetus is the one facing inevitable death, all they can do is patiently wait.
Despite Miranda’s twins lacking proper lungs, stomachs, and sharing only one kidney between them, they exhibited the presence of heartbeats, which compelled the state to provide protection for them as they were unable to survive independently outside of her body.
Miranda arrived home in New Boston sick with grief, and facing an agonizing decision, which she would have to make with no guidance from her health care professionals.
A few years ago, Miranda would have been able to terminate this pregnancy at a doctor’s office or hospital, at whatever point she felt ready to do so. Even in Texas, doctors could perform abortions beyond 20 weeks if the fetus had a “severe and irreversible abnormality.”
However, at present, Miranda found herself trapped due to the implementation of abortion bans in Texas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. Not only were her doctors reluctant to discuss the available options, but she also lacked any support or companionship.
Miranda had never given much thought to abortion and held no strong opinion on the matter. However, Levi’s family, residing in a one-story house on six acres of land next to a serene river, had a more religious and conservative background, evident by the prominent “Trump 2024” flag adorning their property.
However, Angela, who is Levi’s mother, had been present in the room during the doctor’s consultation. She was well aware of the chances and understood the immense sacrifice that would be required to continue with a pregnancy that had no hope of success. The family was prepared to fully support Miranda’s choice, no matter what decision she made.
“I remember telling her, ‘I’m opposed to it,’ but…”
“I wouldn’t feel ashamed if I did it,” Miranda added.
This placed the decision in Miranda’s hands once again.
She couldn’t go to New Mexico. It was a 12-hour drive from Northeast Texas. How would Levi get the time off work? Who would watch her newborn? How would they pay for gas, hotels and the procedure? And when she thought of the fear radiating off of her doctor, the idea of circumventing the law and fleeing the state for medical care terrified her.
“I don’t know the precautions, the risks or the aftercare,” Miranda said. “Just all the ‘what ifs.’ What if they continued with heartbeats? What are we going to do then?”
But she also couldn’t wait another five months, taking on all the risks of a complicated multiple pregnancy, with no hope of healthy babies at the end.
If this had happened when she was a single mom, solely responsible for her two young children, she is certain she would have found a way to get an abortion, even if it meant breaking the law.
“Would I have regretted it? Most likely, but at the same time, there [were] two children counting on me that I have to stay alive for,” she said. “It’s just different, where I stood then, and on top of the mountain where I am now.”
Having dropped out of high school, Miranda eventually completed her diploma online. Now, she found herself grappling with a terrifying medical diagnosis without any support. Doubts plagued her mind. Could she have misunderstood? Were the doctors mistaken? Was there a chance of a miracle? Perhaps the babies would progress and their severe deformities would transform into manageable disabilities. Endless “what if” scenarios plagued her thoughts.
“At first, she stated, ‘There was hope, and all these matters were repairable.’ However, she expressed doubt in his words, as she hesitated to embrace his viewpoint.”
Given the lack of a favorable choice, and without any information or guidance, she ultimately chose to refrain from making a decision.
Time passed, the window closed, and the pregnancy proceeded in accordance with Texas law. But Miranda’s fear and frustration didn’t disappear, especially as the burden of carrying this pregnancy began to take a toll on not just her, but her entire support system.
As the transition from spring to summer took place, Miranda’s body underwent a noticeable change. Her internal organs underwent a shift, her hips expanded, and her back started to ache. She experienced persistent heartburn and an overwhelming fatigue that seemed to persistently creep upon her. Whenever she lay down, it felt as if the weight of the entire world was bearing down on her. She found herself unable to lift her 9-month-old child or sit on the floor to assist her 4-year-old in tying her shoes.
Despite the discomfort and inconvenience, there was a strangely comforting familiarity to it all. The routine doctor’s appointments, the gentle kicks from within, and the kind strangers showering her with affection on the streets made this pregnancy seem ordinary. It was difficult to fathom that hidden beneath this normalcy, a heartbreaking tragedy might be silently unraveling.
However, she was aware that this time was unlike any other. Miranda wasn’t occupied with purchasing miniature baby clothes or adorning a nursery. Instead of organizing a joyous baby shower, she found herself making arrangements for a funeral. Her days were consumed by endless hours spent scouring the internet, desperately seeking a glimmer of optimism to carry her through each passing day.
She exclaimed, “You’re searching for this, and that, and what if I combine these two words? All in an effort to comprehend how it will appear, what challenges lie ahead, and what I should anticipate.”
Miranda delved into the world of surgeries, experimental treatments, and miraculous tales of children defying the odds. She shared her diagnosis in mom groups on Facebook and diligently pursued leads provided by commenters. Her actions were driven by love, disguised as defiance, as she firmly believed that through extensive research, she could uncover a glimmer of hope for at least one of these precious babies to survive, if only for a brief period.
She expressed, “I am aware that their life might not be conventional. However, even if they were unable to communicate or move, I believe I could manage. I would make every effort to provide them with the utmost care.”
Every week, Miranda would energetically rush into her doctor’s office in Dallas, overflowing with hope, extensive research, creative solutions, and persistent requests for additional tests, interventions, and explanations. She underwent an MRI, consulted with specialists, allowed her doctors to thoroughly examine the pregnancy, and yet, the outcome remained unchanged: these babies were destined for an unfortunate fate, unable to survive.
After experiencing a brief moment of relief, thinking she had finally discovered a solution, the subsequent overwhelming crash brought her right back into the depths of her despair. As her pregnancy advanced, she made a conscious effort to adopt a strict and unwavering attitude towards hope.
Miranda politely nodded when Angela, wearing a guilty smile, mentioned her dream about Miranda giving birth to two happy and healthy babies.
She replied, “I strongly believe that when I go into my C-section with these twins, I will come out alone.”
When Miranda reached her 29-week appointment, after enduring more than seven months, she had managed to tightly control her emotions.
She spoke with a somber tone, referring to the upcoming ultrasound, “No matter what, I anticipate receiving unfavorable results. Perhaps there might be a few minor details to worsen the situation, but I doubt they can say anything unexpected at this point.”
“That would be the cherry on top,” she added as an afterthought, unless they explicitly deny having heartbeats.
In order to reach her appointments in Dallas, Miranda had to rouse herself from bed at 2 a.m., struggling with the weight of her pregnant body. As she rose, she noticed her 9-month-old sitting up in his crib, a mischievous grin adorning his angelic face as if it were daytime rather than the middle of the night.
Miranda roused her sister from slumber, as she had recently relocated to lend a hand with child care.
Miranda expressed her frustration, stating, “Rather than engaging in a conflict with a newborn, I find myself in an argument with a 24-year-old who fails to comprehend my words. She genuinely believes she is in a dream state.”
Miranda and Levi usually departed for these appointments before 3 a.m., ensuring a suitcase filled with her clothes was securely placed in the backseat as a precautionary measure. Their journey encompassed an hour-long drive to Angela’s residence in Broken Bow, Oklahoma, where Miranda and Angela would then embark on their joint expedition to Dallas.
Due to his early morning shift at Tyson, Levi often finds it difficult to join them since he works from 4:30 a.m., engaging in the physically demanding task of “live hang.” This involves working for hours at a stretch, sending chickens off to slaughter.
He stated that since she is putting up a strong fight for them, the best contribution he can make is to maintain a clean house, keep her happiness intact, and focus on his work.
Despite Miranda being on Medicaid and Angela assisting with the costs of gas and meals for their trips to Dallas, the financial burden of this pregnancy weighed heavily on the young family. Fortunately, Levi’s sister took the initiative to arrange a fundraiser, which provided some much-needed relief.
Levi remarked, “However, there are constantly additional bills.”
Miranda, who was 29 weeks pregnant, had a meeting in late July. She met with her maternal-fetal medicine specialist, the obstetrician who would be delivering her baby, and also doctors and nurses from the neonatal intensive care unit. This meeting brought a tiny flicker of hope. Despite the bleak odds, they discussed the need for a medical care plan for the babies, even though their chances of survival seemed slim.
However, there is additional unpleasant information. The NICU will be ready and waiting when she gives birth, ready to take any necessary actions. However, this is just a precautionary measure. It is still probable that she will only have a few minutes, if any, to spend with the babies after they are born.
Miranda’s body was overcome with a wave of disappointment. Frustration welled up within her towards her doctors for their inability to provide a solution. She directed her anger towards the state, blaming them for the lack of options available to her. Additionally, she couldn’t help but feel angry with herself for allowing hope to sneak its way into her heart.
“Once, I held onto hope. I battled fiercely, refusing to accept the words of my doctors. But now, I find myself without any alternative paths.”
Miranda’s doctors, faced with her overwhelming anguish and unable to provide the medical solutions she desperately sought, offered her everything they had remaining.
After every appointment, the words “Hold onto hope, Miranda” were echoed reassuringly.
“What is hope?” she wanted to shout. “You told me there was a zero percent chance. What can I do to get it to 3%, 5%? Nothing. What can hope get me?”
When Miranda returned to Broken Bow that night, 18 hours after she left her house, she started crying and couldn’t stop. She thought about what continuing this pregnancy had cost everyone — her, her family, even her babies.
Instead of returning to her children, she opted to have Angela tuck her into bed, and she switched off her phone.
“I fucked up,” she said, grief lacing every word. “I dragged them through this. At least I can be there to say hello and say goodbye.”
The day after the grief pulled her under, Miranda slowly bobbed back to the surface. She couldn’t afford to dwell too much on the babies inside her body; there were three children out in the world who still needed their mother.
All of Miranda’s children are named after Greek gods — Ares, 5, Artemis, 4, and Eros, 9 months. She had to get Ares enrolled in kindergarten, track down medical records from Utah and deal with Artemis’ persistent ear infections. She also had to find a way to parent her children through a tragedy she herself has not yet come to terms with.
Ares, sporting his freshly-cut first-day-of-school hairstyle, possesses an intelligence that surpasses his own good. He had become accustomed to the routine of pregnancy and eagerly anticipated the arrival of his assumed siblings to engage in playful activities. On the other hand, Artemis, known as Missy, swiftly outgrew her desire for a sister and now yearned to purchase stylish attire for her newfound brothers.
Miranda and Levi attempted to clarify the concepts of death, God, and heaven to the children. They mentioned that the babies had fallen ill while inside their mother’s belly and would not be returning home. However, it was uncertain how much of it the children truly comprehended.
After a weighty discussion, Miranda casually remarked to Levi, “Perhaps certain gods should find their way back to Olympus.” And that remark lingered. Ares, sharing with the kids in the neighborhood, claimed that his younger siblings were Greek gods who needed to return to Mount Olympus, sparking a minor religious frenzy among the other parents.
As Miranda’s due date approached, the strain of her pregnancy began to fracture their relationships. Jay, her father-in-law, found himself unable to discuss it without succumbing to tears. Angela, filled with anxiety, sought solace in medication and worried about her ability to handle the delivery room. Meanwhile, Levi took on additional work in an attempt to manage their financial burdens.
Miranda was burdened with guilt over the sacrifices that everyone was making.
She expressed her concern about people putting themselves in a difficult situation or neglecting their emotional well-being while trying to assist us.
Miranda expressed her concern, saying, “This is not just impacting me alone… it’s impacting everyone. We’re in a state of chaos and desperation, and despite the collective efforts to assist, I can’t shake off the fear of inadvertently causing harm to those who are trying to assist.”
She and her doctors reached an agreement in July that she would move to Dallas for the final month of her pregnancy. The decision was made because it posed a considerable risk for her to be in New Boston, which was several hours away from the hospital, in case she went into labor.
Angela planned to accompany her, and they intended to lodge at the Ronald McDonald House in close proximity to the hospital.
“If there is even a chance,” Miranda said in late July, she wanted the babies “to have the best care from the get-go and not risk an airplane or a helicopter ride here. What if in that 30 minutes it takes to get here, they passed, because it took too long?”
But it comes at a cost, especially for the young children she’ll leave behind.
“I’ve never been away from my kids, and I’m just going to be worried about them the whole time, I know,” she said. “What are they doing? Are they bored? Are they gonna miss me or they’re gonna forget about me? I’m going to be at the hospital and they’re gonna think I ran away, even though I told them where I’m at.”
Miranda never made it to the Ronald McDonald House. In early August, at 31 weeks along, her body decided it was time to bring this pregnancy to an end.
Miranda found herself in a situation she desperately sought to avoid. She was going into labor with a high-risk pregnancy, which the state mandated her to continue, despite her concerns. To make matters worse, she was located 30 minutes away from the nearest hospital, and a staggering three-hour distance separated her from the facility that could provide optimal care for both her and her twins. Consequently, she had no choice but to be airlifted to Dallas.
Levi’s parents and Levi departed in their truck, leaving Miranda behind to board the plane by herself, experiencing painful contractions throughout her body.
Levi’s heart couldn’t bear the thought of being apart from Miranda and the babies during this critical moment. Determined, he and his parents embarked on a 200-mile journey, pushing the limits of speed, with fervent prayers that they hadn’t arrived too late for the arrival or potential loss of his children.
There was no need for him to worry. Their car had covered almost half the distance to Dallas before her plane even departed. Upon landing in McKinney, which is north of the hospital, she had to wait on the tarmac for an ambulance to take her the remaining 20 miles. Ultimately, they reached their destination nearly three hours before she did.
More delays occurred at the hospital as her doctors engaged in a debate regarding her readiness to give birth. Miranda grew weary of the prolonged wait. However, when they eventually granted her permission, a sense of panic surged within her, gripping her throat.
She expressed her desire to alter her decision, confessing, “I had an urge to return home. I simply wasn’t prepared. I don’t believe I would have ever been prepared. I longed to retain them within my stomach, safeguarding them a bit longer.”
She faced an uphill battle, as the circumstances were not in her favor. Inside the surgical suite, Levi and Angela prepared themselves for the procedure. The effects of the epidural overwhelmed Miranda, surpassing any experiences she had during her previous pregnancies, causing her to drift in and out of consciousness. During her moments of unconsciousness, all the hope she had suppressed surged back, flooding her thoughts. As the doctors carefully delivered the babies from their protected sanctuary, an eerie silence enveloped the room, as if everyone was holding their breath.
Together, they released a collective breath, acknowledging the absence of a miracle. The diagnosis had been accurate; these infants were not destined to endure.
The upper half of the twins appeared normal, despite being premature. They were nestled together, their bodies almost touching as if about to kiss. Their hands were entwined in a delicate and affectionate embrace, concealing the horrors that lay beneath.
They possessed a pair of arms and legs each, yet they were fused together at the center, as if they had hesitated between being distinct individuals. Their breaths came as gasps, gradually and irregularly, as their minuscule, undeveloped lungs struggled to reach their displaced stomachs.
In a swift motion, the doctors skillfully wrapped the babies in a blanket adorned with cute cartoon ducks, concealing the most noticeable deformities. They delicately placed small pink hats on their heads and then presented Levi with the precious six-pound bundle.
Levi recounted, “We were only anticipating a few minutes. However, as time passed, I realized they remained completely motionless, and the thought of them dying in my embrace crossed my mind. Tears streamed down my face as I clung onto them desperately, fearing for their life.”
Levi’s breathing became rapid and shallow, causing him to hyperventilate. Without saying a word, he passed the babies to his mother and took a seat in the corner of the operating room, feeling certain that he was about to faint. Angela held the babies tightly near Miranda’s head, hoping to grant her a precious moment with her children before any unfortunate outcome.
The babies ceased to breathe, yet their hearts continued to beat intermittently, which prevented the doctors from pronouncing them deceased. As Miranda gradually regained consciousness in the recovery room, the family shared the bundle amongst themselves, admiring their adorable faces and engaging in conversations about their physical abnormalities.
Miranda was finally granted a peaceful moment with the babies after the rest of the family departed to grab dinner, a few hours later.
Having guided these boys into existence, providing them a secure home, nurturing their growth, and introducing them to a world where they couldn’t thrive, it became difficult for her to envision an alternate course with different decisions. Similarly, it seemed impossible to fathom recovering from the heart-wrenching ordeal of cradling her babies in her embrace as they passed away.
Clutching them tightly, she caressed their cheeks, gently tapping their noses, pouring an abundance of affection onto their delicate frames. Repeatedly, she expressed remorse for any agony or distress they had endured, beseeching forgiveness. Eventually, at precisely 8:14 p.m., four hours following their birth, their hearts ceased to beat.
Miranda, the mother who loved her sons Helios and Perseus Langley with all her might, witnessed their passing as she held them close. Overwhelmed by an immense wave of sorrow, she surrendered herself to its embrace, allowing it to consume her entirely.
Miranda, dressed in black attire, stood at the forefront of an Oklahoma funeral home one week after delivering her baby. As she gazed upon the miniature casket, left ajar, she sought a final glimpse of the precious beings she had nurtured within her for a span of eight months.
“Before the funeral, Miranda expressed, ‘It feels as if my heart has been forcefully torn from my chest on a few occasions. Though I understand the importance of attending, I’m uncertain if I am emotionally prepared to bid farewell.'”
In the span of a week, everything had become a hazy memory. It seemed like only moments ago she was at the hospital, arranging for the funeral home to collect the babies. Yet, now she found herself at Angela’s house in Broken Bow, selecting a prayer and hymn for the upcoming funeral.
The C-section scar on her body continued to burn. She felt an overwhelming heaviness, as if she could slumber endlessly. However, during the night, her thoughts raced uncontrollably. Multiple times throughout the week, she would awaken in a state of panic, firmly believing that Eros had ceased to breathe, mistaking his gentle snores for desperate gasps for air.
Levi compared the experience to undergoing open-heart surgery without any anesthetics, despite all the preparations they had made. Each heartbeat seemed to threaten the explosion of their heart.
Miranda was concerned that Levi’s grief would drive him to do something foolish when he openly fantasized about reuniting with his sons on the other side.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” he clarified. “I understand that I have children here who depend on me as well. However, those boys only need to be patient. I’ll show them the art of hunting, fishing. We’ll hop on a buggy and explore. When my time comes, we’ll have a blast together.”
Curiously observing the proceedings, Artemis, Miranda’s 4-year-old daughter, attentively watched a photo slideshow at the funeral home, capturing every moment of the twins’ journey on this earth.
“Those are my baby brothers,” she said, her confusion overshadowing her sadness. “They fell ill while in our mom’s belly and won’t be able to join us at home.”
While the pastor attempted to comprehend the family’s overwhelming sorrow, the children began to feel restless. Eros playfully moved from one lap to another, seeking attention. Artemis cheerfully greeted her cousins with a wave. Ares curiously peeked into the casket and quickly retreated, seeking solace in his mother’s embrace.
Upon arrival at the cemetery, a hushed silence fell even upon the youngest members of the group. Adjacent to a square hole in the family plot, a meager heap of dirt sat forlornly, situated in a secluded corner of a distant cemetery just beyond the state line in Oklahoma. The presence of cows grazing in the neighboring field and a grand live oak tree casting its protective shadow over the graves of Levi’s forebears added to the ambiance.
It was peaceful. It was devastating.
Miranda’s shoulders were weighed down by the burden of the tiny casket, as Levi’s father and brother carefully carried and placed it into the ground. The overwhelming grief, the profound loss, and the life-altering experience all settled upon her, almost causing her to collapse.
Levi and Angela stood on opposite sides, providing support as they held her up. Her children found solace in leaning against her legs, relying on her unwavering presence. Each person gently placed a white flower on the casket before slowly returning to their cars, one by one.
Unwilling to depart, Miranda resisted the idea of resuming her regular routine. The thought of returning to a life where she would engage in work, prepare lunches, and complete errands as if she hadn’t recently experienced the birth and loss of two infants within a mere week was overwhelming. The prospect of bidding farewell was something she wasn’t prepared for.
After some time, she finally hopped into the minivan alongside Levi and the kids. Casting one final glance, they departed.
Text by Eleanor Klibanoff. Photos by Shelby Tauber.
This story was supported by the International Women’s Media Foundation’s Reproductive Health, Rights, and Justice in the Americas Initiative.
